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Don’t know what to do when someone feeds off of your energy? It’s time to put an end to it.
Have you ever felt absolutely drained after spending time with someone?
And no, I’m not talking about tiredness after physically challenging activities like working out or hiking… I’m talking about emotional exhaustion.
Well, you clicked on this post, so it’s safe to assume that you’ve encountered an energy vampire before. And you probably know how unpleasant the experience is.
The good news is, you can learn how to deal with them, so they don’t affect your life and mood anymore. Or at least, not as much.
In this post, we’re talking all about energy vampires: what are they, the types and traits of energy vampires, and most importantly, what to do when someone feeds off of your energy.
I’m sharing a very powerful technique that my mom — who happens to be a psychology professor and therapist — taught me when I had to deal with toxic manipulators myself.
I also included my guided meditation to do when you want to protect your energy.
Alright, let’s dive right in!
This post is all about what do to when someone feeds off of your energy.
🧛🏻♂️ What is an energy vampire?
According to Berkeley Well-Being Institute, energy vampires are people who tend to prey on highly sensitive, empathetic, and happy people and feed off of their kindness and compassion until they leave them drained of their energy.
The closest comparison to an energy vampire I can think of is… a dementor. (If you’re a Harry Potter fan like I am, you know what I’m talking about.)
Dementors fed on people’s happiness, thus generating feelings of depression and despair in any person in close proximity to them. Sounds about right, doesn’t it?
👥 Types of energy vampires
According to PsychCentral, energy vampires can be people who…
- Developed insecure, avoidant, or anxious attachment styles in their childhood;
- Have unresolved trauma, abuse, or neglect;
- Have mental disorders like depression or anxiety;
- Have personality disorders.
(It’s a gentle reminder to be compassionate — we are all doing our best, and it’s harder for some.)
Below is my classification of energy vampires. These are the types I’ve dealt with most often:
“The Narcissist” energy vampire — makes everything about them, craves attention, manipulates.
“The Impostor” energy vampire — pretends to be extra nice and harmless and uses their manipulative tactics when you get charmed by them (when you start suspecting something, this cycle repeats).
“The Victim” energy vampire — everyone and everything is to blame for their unhappiness.
“The Drama Queen” energy vampire — dramatizes every little thing, gives you attitude, and gossips a lot.
“The Unaware” energy vampire — doesn’t know that they’re draining your energy (might do it due to childhood trauma or other mental issues).
There are also mixes of two or more types.
RELATED POST: How to Stop Worrying About Others and Focus on Yourself
✔️ Energy vampires “symptoms”
So here’s what you might be experiencing after dealing with an energy vampire:
- Emotional exhaustion, emptiness
- Feeling extremely sad for no reason
- Feeling overwhelmed, desire to run away and hide (especially, for HSP — highly sensitive people)
- Not being able to focus or do anything
- Headaches, fatigue
- Anxiety, irritation
- Sudden cravings for comfort and sugary foods
This story happened about three years ago when I just moved to NYC.
I once came home after hanging out with someone I just met a few days ago. They seemed like a nice person and I thought we were having a good time… Until I came home.
I even remember my then-roommate asking me “Are you ok? You look unusually pale…” while I felt miserable and depressed.
I locked up in my room and spent a whole day in my bed crying. I then realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that lonely while hanging out with someone.
That’s when I knew I got trapped in the energy vampire web. I analyzed every little thing that happened and there I had their detailed portrait.
SO here’s what to look out for in people — these are the traits that an energy-draining person might have:
- Big ego — likes to nitpick, wants to always be right, and win arguments
- Passive aggressiveness
- Push-and-pull tactic (alternating endearing and off-putting behaviors while communicating, usually to manipulate)
- Tries to dismiss your boundaries
- Uses guilt trips (goal — manipulation)
- Diminishes your problems and points up their own
- Intimidates you through contempt
- Points out your weaknesses to undermine your self-worth (easier to manipulate you)
- Fakes being nice to get your trust
- Acts like a victim
- Is codependent and constantly seeks emotional responses from you
- They are pushy and clingy even when you are clearly showing you are not interested
- Doesn’t keep promises pathologically, doesn’t back up words with actions
- Gossips
- Mood swings that affect their behavior toward you
- Self-affirmation at the expense of others (disregarding and disrespecting others)
- Any other confusing, misleading, or upsetting behaviors
✋🏾 How to stop someone from draining your energy
In this part of the post, we’ll talk about all the tactics you can use when someone feeds off of your energy.
We’ll stop and disarm energy vampires. And, of course, heal ourselves.
▪️ Before dealing with an energy vampire
Avoid energy vampires at all costs. I know it’s easier said than done because some of us might have coworkers and family members we have to communicate with once in a while… But when possible, I highly recommend cutting energy vampires off. Completely.
Prepare yourself for an encounter. If it’s impossible to avoid an energy vampire, figure out some ways to make the impact as minimal as possible.
You can meditate (don’t forget to set an intention to not give in to the energy vampire’s spells), repeat some affirmations, do the “egg” technique that I’m talking about below in this post — (very powerful), or journal.
Click here to try some self-esteem-boosting journal prompts
Click here to check out my favorite journaling supplies
Limit the time spent with them. Tell them in advance what time you’re available, and when you’re leaving.
RELATED POST: How to Meditate in Bed: Quick Guide
▪️ While dealing with an energy vampire
Try to remember at all times who you’re talking to. Try your best to keep in mind that this person is most likely using some of their tricks on you to feed off your energy. It will help you resist their influence.
Set the boundaries. Only share what you feel comfortable sharing. If you are being pushed, politely respond that you prefer to keep the information private. Don’t agree to a lunch or a coffee break. Don’t agree to anything that will make you spend more time with them (or at least, more time with them tet-a-tet). Don’t agree to stay after the time you agreed on.
Put your emotional guard up. Don’t ask anything from them. Don’t take any help, advice, support, or gifts. Don’t offer any advice either. If you do, it will likely be used later to manipulate you. Act coolly and as if you have zero interest, give short answers, but avoid being rude (you don’t want to get involved in any drama). When someone feeds off of your energy, they seek your emotional response. And when you don’t give it, they leave you alone.
▪️ After dealing with an energy vampire
Decompress and get your energy back! A long shower, a good ten-minute meditation, a short slow yoga flow, a tight hug from a loved one, and the “egg” technique from below do help really well.
In one of my posts I’m also sharing a very helpful quick exercise for an instant emotional recharge which you can find here: Here’s Exactly What To Do When You Are Feeling Uneasy
All you need to do is get back your own good vibes. At the end of the day, the only way to drive away a dementor is to think of your happiest memory (sorry).
Don’t give them any more of your time. If the energy vampire texts, calls, or (can you believe the nerve?) stops by, don’t let them invade your personal space. Offer a polite excuse and wrap up the conversation rapidly.
RELATED POST: Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy to Connect With Your True Self
🥚 The “Egg” technique
My mom (a professional psychologist) taught me this technique when I had to deal with toxic people at my very first job.
Use this exercise:
- Before meeting up or dealing with an energy draining person (for example, a coworker)
- As a preventative measure before leaving your home
- After spending time with an energy vampire
- Whenever you feel like you want to preserve and nurture your energy
So here’s how to stop someone from draining your energy:
1. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths — in through your nose and out through your mouth. (This is an optional step that I found helpful. I practically start doing the “egg” exercise like I would start any meditation.)
2. Imagine rays of light coming out of the top of your head, bending down to your feet, like a globe’s meridians, and forming an “egg” around your body. These rays of light are transparent, but they hold their shape well.
3. Now, you’re inside this “egg”. Like so:
You can see all around you through this “web”.
4. Now, imagine coating the “egg” with a film that is mirrored on the outside and transparent on the inside.
Watch it fully cover the “egg”. No one can see you now — the film is mirroring everything around it, but you can see everything.
Ever seen a one-way mirror in interrogation rooms in crime movies? That’s what’s happening.
5. Open your eyes. You can now be sure that the “egg” is protecting your energy every single moment: When an energy vampire tries to impact you in one way or another, their actions are being mirrored and fly back at them. They are getting what they are sending your way, and you’re not being affected.
6. Bonus step! If you realize that you’ve taken over too much energy and emotions from people around you and you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to reconnect with yourself. A great way to do so is to imagine covering your “egg” with a mirror film from the inside. This way you’re only “seeing” yourself and are only getting your own energy.
When you first do this, follow each step below. Take your time.
If you keep doing this exercise over and over again, you’ll be able to pull out your “egg” protection fast, without having to go through all the steps.
Then, whenever you smell danger — an energy vampire starts pulling the strings — you can immediately have your shield up.
Now you know what to do when someone feeds off of your energy!
This post was all about what do to when someone feeds off of your energy.
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