How to Stop Worrying About Others and Focus on Yourself

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Oh, that nasty feeling of giving in to all these different opinions creeping up on you from all sides, distracting and frustrating you… Let me share with you the best tips on how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself that work for me every time.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking Why am I so obsessed with what others think of me?

It’s amazing if you haven’t. You know exactly what you want, you’re in a healthy relationship with yourself, and nothing can stop you.

But most of us sometimes do hesitate, do get distracted, and do worry about what others might think…

I’ve even heard people call it a caring-too-much-what-others-think disorder.

From what I know, that’s how humans are — we are social creatures and it’s deeply rooted in us, therefore, important.

But there are some powerful ways of minding your business yet keeping healthy connections with the ones around us.

This post is all about how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself.

Table of Contents

🤭 Why it’s dangerous & the very first thing to think about
👍🏼 How to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself

🤭 Why it’s dangerous & the very first thing to think about

Yes, I did call it dangerous.

I think I can even call it life-threatening.

Because if you are not living your own life, then who does? What happens to it? Don’t you feel bad for it?

Frankly speaking, I personally am terrified when I imagine myself not doing the things that I love but following someone else’s life guidelines.

“You should get a “real” job”
(Um what a real job is anyway?)

“Choose one thing to focus on, you can’t be doing all these different things”
(Hell yeah you can.)

“A twelve-day vacation in Puerto Rico? What were you thinking? There is nothing to do there, you’ll get bored in 3 days”…

Now, this is something that I got from one of my friends after I told them I’m going to Puerto Rico for almost two weeks.

At that point, I got confused because I’d actually never been there before so I had no strong argument for my decision.

Needless to say, this was one of the most exciting vacations in my life.

I also didn’t get to see ALL the things I marked in my Google maps prior to the trip solely due to the LACK OF TIME.

Twelve days in Puerto Rico were not enough for me to do all I wanted to do.

That was a little lesson for me: You know what you need BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.

Had I doubted my decision because of that second opinion, I would have probably canceled my long trip and booked a short one, and would have been left frustrated and angry at myself.

When you care about someone else’s opinion to the point where it starts dictating your life, it’s a signal for you to sit down with yourself and decide whether you are fine with that scenario or you actually want to take the driver’s seat.

Do you want to live in fear?

Do you want to live someone else’s life because you are worried someone might think something wrong of you?

👍🏼 How to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself

In this chapter, I’m going deeper into the tips on how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself.

There are some helpful techniques that I use to catch myself when I’m paying too much attention to irrelevant things.

To apply them efficiently, you might want to use the tools below.

Some of my best tools are:

Journaling. Keeping a journal is something that I swear by for literally ANY kind of positive change. If you want to explore journaling deeper, check out my favorite journaling prompts for creatives and a self-love journaling challenge.

Rubber band technique or imaginary STOP sign. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it (don’t overdo it) whenever you realize you’re caring too much about what other people think and it doesn’t let you do your thing. That should bring back your attention.

Another way is to just imagine a huge red stop sign in your head and command yourself: STOP! Then switch your attention from useless rumination about others’ opinions to your own goals. I talked more about this tool in my post about daily self love habits.

Meditation. My all-time favorite when it comes to mental health and positive thinking. Learn more about it in my post about spiritual practices for a happier life.

Here’s my list of proven tips and tricks on how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself…

➗ Remember the “opinion formula”

A few years ago I learned an amazing formula for one’s opinion. Unfortunately, I don’t remember where or from who I heard about it, otherwise, I would leave the credit here.

I called it the “opinion formula”.

It’s a cool way of looking at this problem from a practical, logical point of view.

Any time I find myself pulling back from my chosen path because someone commented on it, looked in a wrong way, or provoked me, I remind myself of the MAIN reason why I shouldn’t care about someone’s opinion.

So, briefly speaking, it’s the fact that…

THEIR OPINION = THEIR FEARS / INSECURITIES + THEIR VALUES + THEIR EXPERIENCE

Let’s apply a “mathematical” approach.

Take one of the components, for example, their values, and switch it to your own values.

Do you think the result (their opinion) is going to stay the same?

Change any of the elements and you’ll get a brand new opinion. Chances that your formula components are the same as someone else’s are near to impossible.

Now, do you want to be following someone else’s formula?

Do you want to be led by someone else’s fears and insecurities?

You have no idea where it’s going to take you because you only know the “result” — their opinion.

Nah… I’m good.

This formula is a reminder for me to restrain myself from caring about other people’s opinions.

Best tool: Rubber band technique or imaginary STOP sign

🤩 Trust your dopeness

I heard this phrase first while listening to one of my favorite podcasts Creative Pep Talk.

Just trust your dopeness. Because you’re dope!

Like any other person on this planet, in this universe, you own a set of unique talents.

Whether you like it or not, you’re going to act on your talents without realizing it. Especially, in your childhood.

On top of that, you set goals and choose life values according to those same talents. Because if you’re naturally drawn to something, it’s because it exists somewhere within you.

Each person can only do their bestest and bring the most value to this world by following their OWN passions and urges.

So might as well trust them then, right?

I wouldn’t want you (or anyone) to be following a path that you never wanted for yourself only because someone convinced you that it’s better than the one that you planned.

The only plan that is better is YOUR OWN.

Best tool: Journaling, meditation

😎 Identify what brings you confidence and work on it

Think of what makes you feel like you can move mountains.

It can be celebrating your accomplishments, helping others, having a meticulous plan, having a hobby, learning new things, working on mental health, getting the support of best friends, building a secure romantic relationship, and many many more.

For each person, these will be different.

For example, these are my providers of self-confidence:

financial and overall independence
being happy with my physical appearance
getting out of my comfort zone
doing things I’m good at

So for me to feel secure and confident, I need to know that I can fully provide for myself (including extravagant needs and wants) so I ensure several income sources.

It’s also crucial that I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want, so I set my boundaries right.

I want to know and feel that I’m healthy and in good physical shape, so I work out, eat healthy and take care of my body however I can.

Here and there I also need to get into some kind of uncomfortable but self-improving situations.

The icing on the cake is doing things that I’m really good at as often as possible.

These are my self-confidence must-haves.

What are yours?

Best tool: Journaling

👯‍♀️ Stop comparing yourself to other people

Comparison is the flaw of the 21st century.

Nothing makes us compare ourselves to others more than social media. All these flashy pictures…

But you also should know that it’s been like that since the beginning of time.

In the old times, you would be peeking over your neighbor’s fence to see how he’s growing his corn because his corn is much bigger and sweeter.

It’s a natural self-improvement tool and a stimulus for us to learn what we want and how to get it.

So if you tend to compare yourself a lot to other people, there is nothing wrong with you.

At the same time, in the modern world, it might bring a lot of pain and negativity.

If that’s the case, try to remember that…

You don’t know ALL the things about the people you are comparing yourself to. And if you knew all the things, you probably wouldn’t want what they have anymore (because of what it comes with).
Each person’s background is absolutely different. Yes, that person might be the same age and gender, have the same education, or come from the same country, but what is never the same is their background. Their upbringing, their family, what core values and life lessons they’ve been taught since childhood, their circumstances, their experiences — non of that is completely the same as yours. And don’t forget about the personality and the predispositions the person is born with.

Even by following this single advice, you might learn how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself.

Best tool: Rubber band technique or imaginary STOP sign

🧘🏻‍♀️ Embrace your emotions, but detach from them

Accept each and every one of your emotions.

Remember three things:

You are not your emotions. Yes, they appeared in your head. Yes, you are the only person who can feel them. Yes, they are a part of how you perceive this world. They are messengers, they signal to you about something that might need attention. But they are not you. Try to see them as separate entities.

There are no good or bad emotions. There are good and bad reactions. Any emotion is a guide. Just like the feeling of love or excitement, your anger and sadness are communicating with you something important. Watch and observe them, be compassionate, and ask why they are what they are. Your task is to decide how to react, and it’s up to you if it’s going to be a mature, reasonable conversation with yourself or a destructive breakdown.

Emotions are not facts. So you telling yourself that all these people are smarter, stronger, better, luckier, more deserving, or more successful does not necessarily mean they really are all these things. Most likely, it’s the image of them that you developed in your head which is entirely inaccurate simply because you cannot know everything about them.

Best tool: Meditation

✨ Stop trying to be perfect

Oh hi, my old friend, it’s you again with your shiny shoes? (If you read my post on how to meet your inner critics, you know that the perfectionist voice in my head belongs to a tall angry man named Jett The First.)

If you tend to struggle with perfectionism, trust me, I’m totally with you on this one.

It does make my life hard from time to time. But I’m not giving up, and I keep speaking up for myself. And you should too.

Things to remember:

You or no one will ever be perfect. At the end of the day, we are just humans doing our best.
You are unique. What you make or create is very unique as well and that’s exactly how the world wants and needs it.
Your failures and mistakes are VERY needed for your journey. If you are not making mistakes then you are actually failing. At learning, growing, and improving.

One of my favorite quotes about this is:

A good-enough novel violently written now is better than a perfect novel meticulously written never.
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Just choose action and do it.

Best tool: Rubber band technique or imaginary STOP sign

🕵🏻‍♂️ Figure out what you really want in life

Think for a moment about your life goals.

Are they genuine? Are they what you want for yourself? Let me rephrase this, are they what you personally want for yourself?

Was it YOUR idea?

The following lines might be hard to follow but I encourage you to read carefully since this point is very crucial.

From my experience, I tend to compare myself to other people more when I’m doing what I don’t want to be doing.
When it happens, it usually feels like I don’t know what I want. This is not true 9 out of 10 times.
What really happens is that I was disoriented at some point, and now I fail to remember what I truly want deep inside.

This disorientation happens for several reasons:

Back in your childhood parents convinced you that that one thing is right for you. Over time you came to terms with that idea, or you just simply had no choice. (Obviously, they want the best for you but when it comes to life’s work they CAN NOT KNOW what’s best because you are the only person who can know.)
You were trying to fit in with your group of friends so you just chose what everyone else chose.
Society rules or your community, in particular, made you choose to do something that would bring you status and respect (no matter what it is).
A common belief that some jobs are profitable and some are not made you choose with your head, and not your heart.

What you need to do is to figure out what you really REALLY want to be doing with your life, because then you’ll have your reasons for doing things you are doing and no one’s opinion will matter.

If you are trying to excavate your forgotten dreams and passions, some of my previous posts might be helpful:

How to find yourself when you are lost — my top-9 tips

How to get out of a slump + best reset routine

Weird but effective self-discovery exercise

This tip is one of the most crucial ones if you want to learn how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself.

Best tool: Journaling

⚖️ Set priorities right

After you dug out your true wishes, it’s time to set your priorities right.

What matters more for you — your goals accomplished or what this person is going to think of you?

By the way, just for the record, they’re only going to think about it for a minute or two, and then switch their focus back on themselves. So the question should better sound like…

What matters more for you — your goals accomplished or two minutes of this person judging you?

I hope I know the answer 🙂

Best tool: Journaling, rubber band technique or imaginary STOP sign