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What is mimetic theory, or how to know what you really want — in this post.
I first read about mimetic desires in Ali Abdaal’s newsletter that I’m subscribed to. (Highly recommend, by the way.)
I went ahead and reflected on the topic since it made a lot of sense…
And I realized that mimetic desires are a huge influence when it comes to the decisions we make and the goals we pursue.
So in this post, I’m going to share what mimetic theory and mimetic desire are, and what we can do to benefit from this knowledge.
This post answers the question “What is mimetic theory?” and explains how to identify what we really want.
✏️ What is mimetic theory?
According to MimeticTheory.com, mimetic theory is a concept developed by a French anthropologist René Girard who saw that human desire is not individual but collective, or social. This has led to conflict and violence throughout human history.
Mimetic theory moves through a four-stage process.
In this post, we’re going to be talking about the first stage — mimetic desires, because it greatly applies to our daily lives and can be immensely helpful if taken into consideration.
🚀 Mimetic desire — definition
According to Luke Burgis, mimetic desire means that we make many of our choices according to the desires of others — our models.
In other words, we often want things just because other people want those things.
Check out Luke Burgis’s book about why we want what we want and how to free ourselves from someone else’s desires:
👯♀️ Mimetic desire — examples
For example, when you see on Instagram stories that everyone is at the same party, your immediate thought might be “I have to be there! I am missing out!”
Even if prior to that, you weren’t even thinking of going anywhere and were fully content.
Another example is if all your friends are getting married… You start thinking that maybe you should find someone even if it doesn’t bother you that you’re single.
Seeing others all around you settling down might make you feel uncomfortable.
Obviously, if it’s your close friends, the influence is going to be much stronger.
If all your best friends are doing something you are most likely going to want to do that same exact thing. Rather than when it’s some random group of people — however, it depends.
By the way, if you want to listen to this in a podcast-ish form instead of reading, check out my video:
Anyway, this whole concept made me think about several different things…
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🙇🏻♂️ People influence us more than we think
Do you remember that theory that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with?
I really believe that — I think people affect our worldview and even change the way we see things sometimes.
It’s very important to think about this when we are deciding who we want to spend our time with and be around most of our time.
It should be not only questions like
Are these people fulfilled?
Do they have their life together?
but also
How do they live their lives?
Do they have a positive outlook?
Do they bring in good energy when you’re interacting with them?
What if you want to spend time with successful people but they are constantly complaining?
You probably wouldn’t want to be around those people, no matter how successful they are.
It’s crucial to check in with yourself about how people make you feel before you commit to spending time with them.
On top of that, people affect what you want to do with your life.
If we spend a lot of time in a spiritual circle of people who meditate, we’ll find ourselves meditating at some point, right? So it’s crucial to remember that.
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🌱 Is it really what you want?
We also might take mimetic desires as our real desires after being around a certain crowd.
I, for example, would get inspired by a very random thing and would be ready to act and just jump into that new idea.
And then three days later, I’d be completely burned out, or wake up one day completely indifferent to that thing.
I used to think there was something wrong with me. That I was lightheaded. Or irresponsible. Not able to finish anything. All those things were crossing my mind…
So it’s refreshing to know that it’s not about me. It’s just how we get affected by people around us.
And by the way, if you’re an HSP — a highly sensitive person — like me, you will be affected by this a lot, a lot more than any other person.
HSPs take over other people’s energies so easily that we often get overwhelmed and overstimulated… and we don’t even understand where our emotions are and where are other people’s emotions.
So every time we get really, really inspired by something, it’s helpful to ask ourselves:
Is this what I want to be doing, is this truly my desire? Or did I just pick it up from someone?
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📝 How to know what you really desire?
It’s perfect to journal about it because it really gives you clarity when you put words on paper.
Ali Abdaal talks about a great journaling prompt in his newsletter, which he learned about from the book Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis that I mentioned above.
The author recommends asking yourself:
What was the time in my life when I took action, and it made me feel genuinely fulfilled?
This brings out our real desires and things that we genuinely value.
I think for me, it’s definitely traveling. Even when I’m on the way to the airport, I’m already feeling so happy and so full of joy and energy. I can feel it warming me up from the inside.
Or my morning routine. Waking up and seeing my plants around, and crystals, and books. Making a cup of coffee, then doing yoga.
All these things really make me happy. I’ve tested them throughout time. And I know that those are my true desires.
So think about what brings you joy over and over again, without any kind of influence from the outside.
You can also write a list of things that make you happy — I love those.
Just write everything that comes to your mind. Even the tiniest things like the blue sky or the first sip of coffee in the morning or a warm sweater.
Write all the things down, from the smallest to the biggest, and you can come back to that list a month later and see what still lights you up.
I used to get really lost when I would just follow all my immediate wishes blindly without thoroughly thinking if that was the life that I wanted…
So it’s really important to know which desires are truly ours, and which ones come from somewhere else.
We can spend a lot of time doing those things and, obviously, it might not always end up a waste of time. Because it stays with us, and we store all the experiences that we went through and the knowledge that we have within us.
But if it doesn’t align with the life that we want, then what’s the point?
Might as well spend time on something that brings you closer to where you want to be.
This post answered the question “What is mimetic theory?” and explained how to identify what we really want.
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